Journal #3

Ah, finally, some time alone with my thoughts. And with You, God.
You are always here. What would I do without you.

It’s been a good first week of training. A few missteps, sure, but nothing that shakes me. Overall, I feel thankful to be learning, growing, and getting to know people better. I’m older than most and I’m okay with that.

I can feel that confidence in my body…steady, grounded, unshakable. I’m reminded that my worth isn’t determined by their reactions, anxieties, or immaturity of others. I know who I am. I know what I carry. I know what I have to offer.

Lord, something became very clear to me again this week: I cannot be God for other people. I can support, encourage, and walk alongside but I will not take on the role that only You can fill. If someone is suffering, searching, or stuck, their deepest turn must be to You, not to me. That boundary is loving for them and for me. I release the responsibility to rescue, fix, or over-function. You are their source. I am not.

This morning, I’m feeling a little tired when I think about church, not faith, not You, but the structure, the rooms, the routines. I find myself longing for peers. For community. For friendships that feel mutual and alive. Father, please give us that. Give us people. Give us family.

I also want to bring my anxiety to You around finances and the future. There are big decisions ahead, and I don’t want to rush or ignore realities. Give us wisdom. Give us patience. Help us pause before we act. I trust that clarity will come as we slow down and look honestly.

Today, I want to honor my body and my relationships. I want to rest, to enjoy connection, to receive joy. Lord, I ask for Your protection over my body and my health. You know my needs even better than I do.

I also bring You my work, the vision, the mission, the sense of calling that still feels a little scattered. Help me clarify what matters most. Help me close unnecessary tabs in my browser and in my soul. Simplify my life. Slow my pace. Make me present.

I refuse to live anxiously. I will not let stress take up residence in my body. Not today.

Today is for breathing. For caring for myself. For rest. For beauty. For Sabbath. No striving. No proving. Just being with You.

Amen.