Journal #4

Oh Lord, good morning. I come to you. I lay my day before you. To you I lift my soul. To you I give my all. It is I. Your daughter, your creation, your willing subject. You rule and reign.

It is Monday. Jeff and I have been here almost 6 months. Today is Labor Day and we both have the day off. It is 9 am.

I feel reset, healed. I am thankful for 2 more days, and I will be ready to go.

I want to spend some time thanking you Lord. For this life. I am so thankful for Jeff. He is the best husband I could have ever asked for. I continue to pray that I am a good and supportive wife to him. Helpful and kind.

I don’t know what’s going on in both our hearts that our lives feel unproductive. Unsuccessful but that’s simply not true. We work daily as unto you. Jeff’s life is not wasted and neither is mine. We are making progress. We are doing things. Why can’t we see it. Because we want more. There is sin.

I know it doesn’t feel like sin but it is. It’s sin that we want to do for you MORE than we just want you. Just like all those years when I wanted marriage and kids… which wasn’t sin it’s that I thought it would make me happier than you and you alone. Jeff will get ministry I believe. But it wont make him happier then you and you alone.

Lord… we live to do your will. Humble us. If it be your will elevate us. If it be your will use us. Forgive us. Search our hearts and know us. Try us. See if there be any wicked way.

Protect us today father. Encourage our spirits. Give my husband something else to do, something else to focus on to make him feel better. His spirit seems tired.

It’s a gift to live here and we are super productive. I don’t know what’s frusted his spirit so but lift it God. Refine him. Protect him. Develop him. There is something in him that you need to deal with… something. I don’t know but you know.

Rip it out. Forget protection. Do battle and win.