When Someone Stays Stuck and Your Patience Runs Out

Part 1 of 4

Can I make a confession?

Lately, I've felt my patience wearing thin. Specifically with people who seem determined to stay stuck.

There. I said it. #CoachesConfession.

Now, before you misunderstand me, hear this: I'm a coach. I am a teacher. I know God's truth sets us free, and it's my calling to lead the way.

Helping women get unstuck is literally one of my greatest joys. I love walking with women through anxiety, grief, fear, unhealthy patterns, broken relationships, and seasons when they simply can't see a way forward. I've spent thousands of hours doing exactly that.

So this isn't about people who want help. It's about something different.

It's about those moments when it seems like there is a path toward a better life, but someone—a client, friend, or family member—keeps choosing the same painful cycle. They keep rehearsing the same story. The same excuses. The same blame. The same hopelessness.

If I'm honest, that's the part that starts to wear on me. Big time. As in, Rebekah has had some rude moments lately.

Yikes.

Have you ever felt the same way toward someone?

As I noticed myself becoming more irritated, I realized this wasn't just about them anymore. It had to become a conversation between me and God because something was happening in my heart that was causing that irritation to flow out.

So I started asking Him a few questions.

First: “Lord, please give me more grace. More patience. More kindness. I never want my frustration to outweigh my compassion.”

Second: “Jesus, how did You love people who seemed unwilling to change?”

Third: “Why does this bother me so much? It's not my life; it's theirs.”

And finally: Why do some people remain in patterns that make them miserable when help is available?

Why is change so incredibly difficult? Why do some people spend years—sometimes decades—replaying the same hurts, the same fears, the same conflicts, when freedom seems possible?

I want to bring my real self into this conversation because I believe the truth sets us free. Truth-telling as well as God's truth. And I cannot be the only one who's thinking about this.

In this four-part series, I'm sharing what I believe God has been showing me. We'll explore why people stay stuck even when change seems possible, what to do when we realize we're the ones who are stuck, and how to love someone whose life we cannot change for them.

Whether you see yourself in it or someone you love comes to mind, my hope is that this conversation leads to greater compassion, acceptance, and freedom.

Maybe you have someone in your life who seems to stay stuck, even when help is available. How has that affected you?

Or maybe this conversation feels a little more personal.

Maybe you're the one who feels stuck. Maybe you know exactly why. Maybe you have no idea. Maybe you've started to believe this is just who you are. Maybe the thought of unpacking it all feels overwhelming.

If that's you, there's room for you in this conversation too. Honestly, simply admitting you're stuck is often the first step toward freedom.

Ah, change. Growth. Why do some of us embrace it while others resist it?

Who's ready for this conversation?